Monday, June 29, 2009

Blasphemy

I can handle a lot, a light saber to the head when my 4 year old is pissed, no problem. A full on meltdown in the supermarket from not one but both kids, bring it, I'll eat that shit for dinner....but what I can't deal well with are blasphemous comments made about our favorite vamp. Things like Robert Pattinson is a "pussy diet coke drinking vampire" That came from Stephan Moyer aka Bill ( sexy vamp)Compton on True Blood. Watch it Bill, Ill stake your ass.

So, last week I had drinks with some friends and handed over my DVD of Twilight. Now, T-Rex had just finished the 1st book, and had never seen RSexy...EVER. Just reading Twilight and not having a clue who Robert Pattinson is....the combo is unimaginable, almost unheard of .....I mean I think would have better luck running into Gargamel and Smurfette than knowing a real life RSexy/Twi-virgin.

I am like a kid in the candy store, I honestly can't wait to see her drop trow as soon as she sees his face. So here is the pic I show her, and here is her reaction.....


"Oh, he isn't that cute at ALL, they are right on time with Bella, but he doesn't do anything for me, sorry!"

I contemplated getting jumper cables out of the car because maybe her vagina needed a jump start or something. She wasn't making any sense. Her vagina MUST be asleep, right? Man, was I bummed....talk about anti climatic, that was equivalent of watching porn and your vibrator runs out of batteries.

Don't say sorry to me ...go to confession for the blasphemous comments you made, you Antichrist. She doesn't think RSexy is good looking? WHAT? I'm pretty sure most people think he is a God of some sort, and am also certain most females have diddled the skittle more than once to Robert Pattinson. She was not impressed at all. Not even enough to watch the movie when she got home from our Mom's night out.

And, a week later she still hasn't watched it...I have no words.





9 comments:

Latchkey Wife said...

Dude! Diddled the skittle - I'm dying. Yep, I have, me me me! I know how you feel - my mom said the same thing and I nearly pushed her down the stairs! Over a week and she still hasn't watched the movie... disown her!

sjAimee said...

I think its time for an intervention. You show up armed with loads of Rpattz pics and force her to watch the movie not only with you there but make her look at the pics.. She'll get it.. RIGHT??????

Undercover Twilighter said...

Hey! I just noticed you linked me up! Sweet! Thanks for doing that! I love your blog, yer hilarious! I swear sometimes, it's like you get a sneak peek inside my head...

Oh, and said 'friend' who doesn't have the hotts for Rpattz is blind. Just plain blind!

Fire Crotch said...

Okay, so when I first read Twilight I didn't know anything about our beloved RPattz. Not sure how that happened in retrospect, the niece did have his pic all over her room, but I just totally made fun of him. Anyway, he totally has grown on me...big time. I mean I just made checks with him on them today. All I'm saying is, give her some time...I think her vagina will definitely warm up to him. And yeah, Bill is not the sexy vamp...team Eric all the way.

fragilelittlehuman said...

Okay, has your friend seen the sexpenders? 'Cause, once you see Rob in the sexpenders, there's no going back...

As for Stephen/Bill, he's just jealous. Between Robward and Eric, he can't get any attention.

Snarkier Than You said...

Agreed - "dittled the skittle" is priceless!! Too funny... And um probably a grain of truth in there somewhere, too. Just sayin'.

Don't worry - your friend will come around. I have to admit that RPatts didn't take my vagina by storm the first time I saw a pic of him, either (i KNOW - crazy, right?!). It was more like a slow burn that built up to its current billowing, out-of-control-wildfire state.

[hmm... maybe I shouldn't say "billowing" and "vagina" in the same paragraph lest someone get the wrong idea... oh well...]

: )

caring erratic hairbrained mom said...

@STY- take your vagina by storm...
HA!!
I dont know what to do, she honestly wont watch the movie...Ive tried everything, we sat at the computer yesterday and looked up pics of him...more on that later , more outrageous comments.. I might have to strap her down
Im starting to think I should rename my blog " desperately
seeking T-Rex's vagina"

Thanks for the comments, I wish I could write more, but you know motherly duties call

Bitches said...

Let me just start by saying that there is NOTHING worse than your "toy" of choice running out of batteries!! This is why I purchase mine from Costco in bulk and ration them out to Mr. Bitches only as the remote is dying and I have no other choice but to relinquish two...
Now, I have to admit that before reading Twilight I seriously didn't get the obsession with him & thought his hair was nast. Now, AFTER reading it, he grew on me and now I can't get enough of him. Give her some time & she'll come around. If she doesn't, you have no other choice than to disown her.

Rob's Swiss Miss said...

You did not just effing say "diddle the skittle". LMFAO!!! I may totally have to use that in future conversation. Effing classic.

Oh, and I use Twilight and RPatz as part of my friend-hazing ritual. If they don't answer that portion of the quiz properly (as in yes-I love the series, and yes- my panties melt at the thought of jaw porn) then they are knocked down to the level of "non-twi-related friend, not worthy of buying a beer for" status.

As Billy Black would say "I'm just keepin' in real"