Saturday, May 30, 2009

My kids need a mother...

Cut this shit out! I mean I have children to care for and a husband to love. I cant sit around and drool at my computer all day and count abs! Stop the insanity. Im begging, and so is JH. Her husband thought he was making headway...nope, its over start at square one again WH, she has relapsed.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Down the drain...

You know, I am embarrased to admit I swindled my 2 year old into picking out a Volvo C30 matchbox car....for any of you out is a mini version of Edward Cullen's car ( in the movie not the book) ...shameful I know. Btown would keep putting the car down in the store, and I would pick it back up and say" Look at the new car you are getting, FUN!!" he would respond"bahhhh" and spit a little. You know the noise he is making, its the one you make right after you have eaten something that tastes like total shit
He was my cover story. I was buying the car for him, not me. ;-) I am fully aware there is a ridiculous factor that goes along with a 35 year old stay at home mom owning a matchbox car, much less owning one because it reminds her of a sparkling vampire.

My kids and I tend to shower together, first because I am a HAG and entirely too lazy to shower before 6pm. Secondly, its just easy. We have a shower that has a rather large drain, you know one that you could fit say...a shiny matchbox Volvo car in. Btown decides to throw it right down the drain, and I look at him with the 60 other cars he had brought in the shower, and think to myself this is KARMA.
What asshole manipulates their 2 year old to pick a matchbox car of their own personal liking? And I might add for the soul purpose just to have a mini version of a fictional character's fictional car? Apparently I am this asshole
And, someone ( you know how you are) thought it was fitting for me to watch my mini Edward Cullen Car drive its pretty little ass straight down the drain.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

It all started....

It wasn't too long ago that my BFF told me about the book that would change the way I look at life. Here I am truckin along, changing diapers, finger painting and singing Laurie Berkner...then BAM, J (the BFF) screws up everything for me. I mean everything. I became a Twackhead.

JL says " Hey have you read that book Twilight?"

So I say " Shit no"

JL says " Oh no Suz, its not like that trust me, get it...its about "VAMPIRES"

Hmmmm(drooling).... I did have a serious addiction to Corey Haim in 6th grade(Corey Haim circa 1985 not the trainwreck that we have seen as of late.) and a love for Lost Boys, could be good...I once tried to call Corey Haim in California from Massachusetts, funny thing is he wasn't listed under 411, even funnier I thought he would be.

Mistake #1
I started reading the book during nap time....Kids wake up... I am addicted

Im totally screwed... I felt like a drug addict who needed a fix...Id run set up some finger paints, come back get a couple of hits, clean up finger paints, scatter dry cereal on the floor so they could eat dinner( thanks BG) know how it goes once you're hooked. The vaccuum cleaner becomes dormant.... the husband looks at you strangely because you haven't showered in days, you become a chain smoker as you read the books outside on your porch just to stay away from the daggers flying from said husband's eyes. (You'd think I was cheating on him.) I totally missed the Olympics, I couldnt have given a shit if Michael Phelps walked on water instead of swam, I was unconditionally and irrevocably obsessed with my new vampire friends

Needless to say, I got sucked ( pun intended ) in, I have tried to bring people down with me too..I have to say I think I am the most dedicated to the obsession, second place clearly goes to JH, She did pack up her cherubs and drive 900 miles to Texas so we could watch the DVD together the night it was released....and that is a whole other tale to tell. I try to deal my lame obsession to as far and wide as I can.I call JH daily with updates from one of my favorite websites Twicrack Addict.. She tries desperately to update herself, but she didn't know what Swine flu was, never mind that R-sexy is half naked with his junk tucked between his legs on the Internet. JL is over Twilight she pretty much tells me to shit in a hat everytime I bring it up.

So here I am, addicted and these are my stories. They wont all be about Twilight and R-Sexy... But, hopefully I can make you laugh and drag you out of the monotony of your day....