Thursday, June 18, 2009

Twilight : not your everyday pleasuring device

I am going out tonight for a well deserved booze fest, my kids mentally tortured me today and they were bringin it Al Queda style.. I plan to slug down a bunch of drinks in hopes that this day does not imprint on memory in .. Anyway, only one of these women has read the Twilight Saga. So, I am going in tow with 3 of the books so to see if I pawn them on my friend Trex. I send her a text and it reads :

I text" I have a present for you"

She replies " dildo?"

I reply " BETTER"

She responds " oh Good there is nothing worse than a second hand dildo."

Um...I have nothing to say about that. Wait till she finds out these are secondhand books not a pleasuring device ,but she might find she wants to pleasure herself with the books, cause they are so damn good. I am going out on a limb here, lending out my prized possessions. And, If I find anything resembling vaginal secretions on my books, Someone is getting punched in the vagina.


Latchkey Wife said...

Oh my God dude, I am cracking up so hard right now. I actually felt the need to read this post out loud to one of my coworkers. I rarely ever lend out my books... what if I get desperate and need a quick fix and they're no where to be found? I might have a mental breakdown!!

caring erratic hairbrained mom said...

Thanks sister, I am skeptical about the lending of the books, but I trust her enough not to hump them...I gave her all of them, and I am teary eyed looking at my bookshelf....I figure if I need a fix ill go get me some swanky fanfic on the internet

Latchkey Wife said...

Oh yes, the fanfic is a good stand-in... just about to do a post with some more juicy ones... be sure to check it out!

Fire Crotch said...

So my SIL just emailed me this frantic email about how she needs more Twilight. Now I know why my niece didn't want to lend her books out....ewww, heh. FYI, (TMI), the Kindle is easy to wipe off and you can't just "lend" it out.

Bitches said...

You may wanna spray them down with Lysol upon their return. Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO! I don't lend my books out.. I offer to email them the "book" instead..LOL

Becky said...

ZOMG you sound exactly like me! Hilarious! I just linked you up over at

I hate having to stop my twilighting to take 'the kid' to potty. GODDAMMIT, diy kiddo! I kid I kid! :)