Friday, July 24, 2009

New Moon debauchery

Here come the police, pervert!
I refuse to watch the clips everyone is peddling around the Internet. I won't do it. I know what is going on out there. Vaginas all over the world are exploding, spontaneously combusting. Total anarchy, due to R Sexy shirtless in Italy and Taylor and his 8 abs. I can't take that kind of a jolt in the middle of the afternoon. I watched about 20 seconds of the Italy scene, and Kstew was all twitchy and shit. I missed RSexy without his shirt on, I know I KNOW!!!! I'll wait for the big screen, HD and a beer ( or pitcher, cause we can drink in the movie theatres in Texas) AND, there aren't 1000 douchie prepubescent 13 year-olds screaming like hyenas. Most of those little trolls will be in bed by the time I make it to the movie, and they can't drink beer.... so fuck them. I watched about 3 seconds of the other clip and Taylor took his dang shirt off. I thought my eyes would start to bleed because God had struck me down for looking at little boys. Awesome, now I am a pedophile. I'm worried if I even go to this movie I am going to have to register at the nearest Post Office as a sex offender.
All you out there with your wet panties I hope it was worth it! I'm stayin' dry until November...


21 comments:

Fire Crotch said...

Okay, I finally got to watch the clips this morning, and while I did squee, my panties stayed dry. Perhaps my vag is worn out after the RobWeekly pics from earlier this week. Oh yeah, and the Taylor (erm, Jailbait) chesticle situation...people need to calm their shit down...at least until next February.

Annie said...

More power to you! Oh, and this made me laugh really, really hard:

Most of those little trolls will be in bed by the time I make it to the movie, and they can't drink beer.... so fuck them.

I'm a high school teacher and I rub it into my girls' faces when I tell them I'll be at the midnight premiere because their parents won't let them see it so late. Yeah, I'm evil. :D

P.S.) Stumbled upon your blog today and I love it! Your snarktastic blogging style warms my snarky little heart.

Mrs. Vanquish said...

The quality of the clips were just too bad for wet panties. But I fucking screamed like a 13 year old - at least in my mind, I was at work while watching them.
And That´s how I am, I don´t even have to strength to wait until I´m home to watch that stuff. And I ´d never ever admit to anyone else, apart from all you crazy Twi-chicks, that seeing Taylor putting out his shirt makes me feel fucking woozy... Which is embarrassing enough to say it here..

Caring E H mom said...

@FC- I would have to agree with you everyone needs to hold down the fort until he is at least 18. It creeps me out he is half my age, 13 years older than my son...ugh.
@Annie- Thanks sister, come on back anytime. I love new visitors. Being an English teacher, please don't judge the grammar, I'm sure its an atrocity.
@Mrs.Vanquish- I don't scream, but I do get a giant case of butterflies and run around my house. Don't want to scare the shit out of my kids by screaming. My 4 year old is already on to me, everytime my computer is up there is a pic of Edward Cullen...he knows him by sight.

Julie said...

Okay - back into the deep dark obsession that is Twilight I go... Even dreamed I was with R Sexy at mysterious airport last night having "Before sunrise" kind of conversation with him and I practically weep when I woke up to my 4 yr old twins 2 inches fm my face shocking my sorry ass back into reality. That said, I can't take all this temptation either. I think I need to parental control websites so that I don't sneak and watch all there is to see re NM. Right now I only allow myself two doses daily. EH Mom and Wide Awake fanfic. It's all I can do to not hide in my closet & read till my eyes fall out. Besides, with each new chpt, I get less mature and that shit ain't gonna fly while trying to raise 2 4 yr old girls...

sjAimee said...

I did the same thing. I watched part of the clip and when the fan girl squee's started and he took his shirt off I stopped the clip. And the one of them n italy.. When the squees started it got stopped.. I can't take it.. its like nails down a chalk board. I get it.. I just dont like it..LOL..

I don't hate sharkboy..but I can't forget that he is shark boy and he is a kid! oye.. no kid should have a bod like that

Caring E H mom said...

@ jules. That is why we have each other you call me if you break down and then I will cop a deal so we can both watch it, I'm an enabler and you know it. Book that ticket so we can watch it and drink loads of beer. @SJAimee. So you haven't watched either? Hold out for the good stuff woman! I agree about the squees. I would rather eat fireants than listen to that

Tasha... said...

I'm such a whore that I watched the whole clip. Several times...just with the sound off.

I refuse to see New Moon with the 14yr olds. I'll be going to the one showing at 10 am. Screaming and shit makes me go all Crazy-Tasha, and I'm sure my 5-0 would be less than thrilled if I injured someone elses child. And dude, I can't look at Taylor and NOT think Sharkboy. He does nothing for me.

P.S.
Texas is FTW. I think we can drink beer pretty much anywhere. =]

fragilelittlehuman said...

I didn't watch the clips, either. I've been going spoiler free since I watched the trailer. I haven't even watched the ComicCon panel interviews. It's killing me...

Limey_1996 said...

You can drink at movies in Texas?? Fuck it I'm booking my flight and watching New Moon there.

Sorry, but I can't stop watching the trailers. I'm in slut heaven. The first time I watched them I was at work and I didn't breathe I had goosebumps and once it had finished I felt like a complete arsehole gasping for air, had to make out to my boss that I swallowed my water the wrong way. Yes, I'm a total twat!

@sjAimeee- I feel your pain. I can only see him as SharkBoy but now SharkBoy has abs and a wig.

:D

Caring E H mom said...

@Limey- if you came to Texas to watch New Moon....oh shit. That would make my year.
@ Tasha- if you are in North Texas Nov 20th, lets doooooo this.
@fragile- you are my kind of woman, work that fanfic..fuck the spoilers.

Tasha... said...

Hmm..North ya say? Like how far North? Cuz I'm Southeast and this state is fuckhuge! Aww what the hell?...I'll make a special trip and bring sjAimee with me. ;)

Caring E H mom said...

North Dallas , too far for a road trip? ;-)

Christina Padilla said...

hold the friggen phone....you can you can drink in movie theaters in Texas? What the forks, man? that is it, i am moving there. or not. since im not in to africa heat and shit. damn california and all their laws. ::rollseyes::

i watched the clips on my icrack with the ear buds on and full volume. I am now deaf in both ears. No one warned me. dammit.

so i will also be attending the midnight screening cuz most of those little biotches will be alseep. lol

love the blog.
be safe.

Tasha... said...

Nah. It's roughly 6 hours. Unless we're evacuating, then it's like 3 fucking days! Here's to hoping for a late season hurricane...somewhere around...meh..Nov 20ish. =]

Limey_1996 said...

Could you imagine? Frig sake! It would be crazy fun, but we would probably get thrown out for being too noisey. haha

But my friend would kill me because I'm taking the day off (barring kids are not sick etc, will have to start vitamins extra early, haha) and seeing it more than once!!! Yes, more than once that's all I'm saying.. Oh and mini Edward will be coming along for the ride. Fucking nuts I tell ya!

Hopefully, we'll behave ourselves and not cat call and whistle too much, but I was thinking of bringing a gag along for both of us, just incase. If any teenyboppers say anything I'll throw the "respect your elders shit", if that doesn't work the taser will work just fine.

:D

Bitches said...

I have to admit, I did see the clips, but my panties stayed bone dry. I'm proud of you and your abstinence, it's quite impressive.

I'll be right behind you in line registering as a sex offender. Seeing him without his shirt feels so wrong, and until he reaches 18 I feel as though I must avert my eyes out of respect.

Jenny Jerkface said...

I only watched the one that is guaranteed to land me in the slammer since drooling over jailbait is generally frowned upon. I decided to forgo watching the Italy scene at work. Mainly because if my boss hears me moaning again at my desk she's going to get suspicious

Caring E H mom said...

@ JJ- Im gonna guess your boss knows what you are moaning about, has she read your blog ?
@ Bitches I'm keepin it real, still haven't watched them.
@ Christine- Im actually shocked you can'd drink in the movie theatres in Cali, most liberal state we got in the US. UCSB class of 2004 baby!

sjAimee said...

I almost spit my drink out when I read Tasha's "Unless we're evacuating, then it's like 3 fucking days!"

so true so true!

Twinatic said...

You are a stronger person than I. I've searched out and watched EVERY new moon trailer I can get my hands on!!!

I had no problems with Taycob in Twilight, he was cute and sweet, but that was it. Then the new moon pics came out and now, there's a problem...

If you missed the shirtlessness and at any point decide you do want to see the R Sexy hotness, I've got some of the pictures up here

SO jealz of the fact you can drink in movie theaters there! I think that should be allowed everywhere after 10pm!

I'm hoping that there won't be many kids at the midnight showing here. I'd be fine with a roomful of cougars ;)