New Moon debauchery

Here come the police, pervert!

I refuse to watch the clips everyone is peddling around the Internet. I won't do it. I know what is going on out there. Vaginas all over the world are exploding, spontaneously combusting. Total anarchy, due to R Sexy shirtless in Italy and Taylor and his 8 abs. I can't take that kind of a jolt in the middle of the afternoon. I watched about 20 seconds of the Italy scene, and Kstew was all twitchy and shit. I missed RSexy without his shirt on, I know I KNOW!!!! I'll wait for the big screen, HD and a beer ( or pitcher, cause we can drink in the movie theatres in Texas) AND, there aren't 1000 douchie prepubescent 13 year-olds screaming like hyenas. Most of those little trolls will be in bed by the time I make it to the movie, and they can't drink beer.... so fuck them. I watched about 3 seconds of the other clip and Taylor took his dang shirt off. I thought my eyes would start to bleed because God had struck me down for looking at little boys. Awesome, now I am a pedophile. I'm worried if I even go to this movie I am going to have to register at the nearest Post Office as a sex offender.

All you out there with your wet panties I hope it was worth it! I'm stayin' dry until November...

Blade vs Edward

He's behind me isn't he??

Sorry, but this shit is pretty funny.

I love me some Blade, he is a bad ass. Before Edward, he was probably one of my fav vamps out there, not for his looks or anything just for the sheer kick assery he could dish out.

Ok that's it, be back soon with some Fanfic review if I'm not baking cakes and making pasta sauce, cause that's what I do bitches.....make cakes and pasta sauce.

Fanfic virgin, sort of

I'm so lost....


Everywhere I turn I see fanfic this fanfic that...and I have dabbled a little. You could say I have played just the tip with fanfic. But, answer me this...what the hell is a lemon, lemony or lemonade fanfic, is it sour, like I'm going to close my eyes and spit? I need a some sort of guide on all the lingo. I need a dictionary...so for all the fan fic experts out there, what should be the first story I read? Don't get all face melty on my like K in the flow, I have to ease into it and I can't abandon my children for the day, sweating in the closet with my computer and pleasuring device. So, lets start it out PG 13 ish and move it on up the ladder.

Taken Hostage

Every Thursday or Friday I receive Us weekly, and everyone has been panting in anticipation for this weeks issue. But, for some reason, I had totally forgotten all about the Wet Rob (thanks LKW) pics. My husband made it to the mailbox before I did. I walk casually into the living room and he looks at me and laughs. I see him reading the US magazine ( which is not uncommon, he loves it ). All of the sudden he rips the middle part of the magazine out and runs...literally runs like a bat out of hell.
He is laughing so hard he sounds like that that dog Mutley, if you are over 30 you know who this little shit stirring mongrel is...if not , you can Google it.


In my head I'm thinking , no biggie if you want to read it first...and then it hits me. He has my "6 page exclusive" of RSexy...SHIT! So, I chase him around the house, I think we went round and round for about 2 minutes. Knowing there is no way to get away from me in the house, he bolts out the front door, opens his car, throws the pics in there, and locks it.

He says " Ha HA! You don't look that affected by me having the pics" And I laugh and say "you're right, no biggie"...and I smirk and walked away....Knowing for sure he will be looking for some ass later on. My vagina is on lock down until I get my damn pictures back. Wanna take bets on who wins.

A Declaration of Independence

We are at the pool yesterday and we run into some neighbors, they begin to tell me how they had a BBQ recently ( we did not attend but were invited) and our other neighbor busted out my blog. UH OH.... here is the problem. The hubbo and I are on a don't ask , don't tell policy about said blog. I once read him a portion of the blog and I ended it "eat a dick" and his brain almost fell out.

He said" Mama, you can't say eat a dick on your blog, there are people who hang out with our kids reading it".

My response was " you need to respect my creative outlet which is blogging..I would respect you if you wanted to dress up as a viking and gnaw on a turkey leg while you played your Age of Empires game."

So ,we came to what you call an impasse..and the blog had not been read ever since.

WELL... the neighbors sparked a fire under his ass, and he decides to read the blog. I am sweating bullets sitting next to him as he riffles through my past posts. Its not like he doesn't know who he married, he loves my sassy, raunchy side..so what am I sweatin' for?

"Vagina, vagina, vagina that is all you talk about"

Well, yeah I know about mine pretty well, and I'm sure most of my blogging demographic has one and has abused it vigorously while thinking of Robert Pattinson. So, yeah why not talk about the obvious.

The outcome has been great, I am sitting next to him as I write and he says .. " write cock a bunch of times" So, I guess we are no longer at the impasse and I have a new fan. Happy 4th of July everyone...there has been a Declaration of Independence in this house tonight!